JOBBER MOUTHED!!!


I was sitting at the food court having my lunch. This was the first time such a thing has happened. I was sitting all alone. It was not the same few weeks back; few months back; few years back.

We were a big gang of 12 people. Over the years I have seen the group at the lunch table shrink. This shrink was worse than my pant becoming a jetti with my maid’s washing. When senior mgmt was all ga ga about people quitting and going, I was simply worried about the attrition in my group.

Now sitting all alone I too decided to look for a better JOB. I quickly called my friend to find out what is the first thing I should do. “RESUME!” he said. That very word made me weak. What would I put in as my work, achievement and strengths?? I decided to drop this whole plan of looking for a JOB. But with reassurances that resume is just for name sake I decided to stick to the plan.

Over the next few days I was done preparing my resume and uploaded it in one of the JOB portals. So many neetu’s, sheela’s, raman’s calling. It felt good to be wanted. Especially by women! For Job that is! All of them, wanting to know the same things. Years of experience? Current CTC? Expected CTC? A shiver went down my spine responding to the current CTC part. Few would be neutral, Few would say that’s it for 3 years, few others did the I-GET-PAID-BETTER Laugh!

At last, I was scheduled for an interview. I was a mainframes guy. All my friends who had attended mainframes interview with other companies told me that there is one question I can be sure off. “What is the difference between a SEARCH and SEARCH ALL in COBOL??” I decided to mug the answer, being, one was linear search and the other binary.

All set to face the challenge I went to the interview venue and walked confidently into the interview room. They questioned me about what I did in my current organization, my personal back ground, what I expected so on and so forth. But the magical question to which I knew the answer so well never came. I waited I waited and I waited. I was afraid if they take any more time in asking that question, I will forget the answer! I could take it no more. I decided to let it out.

They asked me why I was looking out for a JOB. I went like “there are 2 types of JOB search. SEARCH and SEARCH ALL. One is linear search and the other………”

A Tale of Eroti – cities



She was in my arms (rather hands) at last. I could feel every inch of her. I had to wait for 4 long hours to get her. Now she was all mine.

Before you guys get any bright ideas I was talking about the TV remote. Right from night 7 to 11 the TV remote in my house passes thru various members of the family. That would also mean I had to bear the mental tortures of the mega serials and news. At about 11 is when I get to have the TV remote.

This particular day was peculiar of sorts. My mom, Granddad and grandma were all asleep by 11. Now it was just the TV and I in the hall. Ahh! Now I planned to sit and watch all those erotic programs that my friends discussed about at office. I decided to play it cool and go one by one starting from channel one. Just to make sure I don’t miss anything.

1. Sun TV - One mom – daughter sitting next to each other and talking at length – probably one more mega serial – no hopes of anything happening.
2. K TV – some old movie – the scene features 17 males – I don’t like the scene
3. Sun Music – supposed to show erotic 3 grade movie songs now – hard luck – shivaji K R
vijaya rub cheeks together – they are quite happy about it – I am not
4. Kalaignar TV – song from movie baba - Rajni does pelvic thrust – other men look on –
they do pelvic thrust too
5. Jaya TV – huge belly on display – I am happy – belly is covered with sauna belt – I am
unhappy
6. Vijay Tv – Somebody is shown naked – it jesus – too late
7. HBO – ads – I keep waiting – more ads
8. Star Movies – Movie is about to start – Suitable for viewing under 13
9. ESPN – next – Star sports – next – DD sports – next – so on – next – so forth
10. FTV – at last – something for sure – INDIA FASHION WEEK – Ethnic collection.

It was almost 12. I decided to listen to my friends discussion and not be a part of it.

You are WRITE!!!

Yes you are right. I should continue writing. But as a great man once said

"If you have 2 balls you are a man. If you have four balls dont think you are a super man, some guy is F****** you from the back"

So while I continue to think I am a superman with my boss having a good time, you keep waiting for my next post.

A stITCH in time SHAVES nine.



A statewide Bandh has been declared. This is to protest against the fact that the Supreme Court didn’t call the major population of India ‘backward’. This is the only country in the whole world where people blush and take pleasure of the fact that they are ‘backward’.

It came as a surprise because the ruling party called the Bandh. This meant that all the essentials would come to a stand still. That includes buses, trains, flights, offices, schools, Stock market, Public toilets (Though this should have been kept open with special consideration to emergencies)…etc…

One other thing, which I wouldn’t consider essential on other days, suddenly, became too important for me today. Did you guess BATH!! Naah! May be you were thinking of a friend of mine. It is a Saloon!!

Having been born in a Brahmin family, it is not I, but the STARS up above the world so high that decide which day of the week I should shave. Surprising but true!! If you see me with a big beard
1. No, please I am not one of those cases of love failure
2. No, I do have lot of time
3. Grr, I have enough cash to buy Razors
4. Ok that’s it. STOP there. Not a word more
It just isn’t my day to shave.

Sunday & Monday you are not allowed because it affects your great granddads (who incidentally passed away some 100 years before you were born). Tuesday it affects your dad’s youngest brother (even if your dad was born with three cute sisters). Wednesday you can, but you have to leave to office right in the morning. Shaving after 6 PM is not allowed. Thursday it affects your sisters. Friday, I don’t, as it will affect me, it seems!! Everybody says it affects, it affects but the discussion on how is subtly avoided.

Ah! Sat I could do, but the Tamilnadu govt has no concerns about my growing beard and declares a Bandh. You might want to question, why don’t you sit at home and shave on your own? To be very frank with such thick growth it calls for skilled labor.

What is worst about this whole affair of beard is that it gets too itchy. It requires lots of scratching, sometimes with both hands, to feel better. One of you smart girls reading my blog might raise your hand and ask, “If long hair gives raise to itch, does it itch in those place??” Oh God!! PLEASE!! It does, but you can’t expect me to do things in public, do you??

Op(tic)MISTic

If you are at the beach all by yourselves. If you feel let down and very low on confidence. If you have spent quite some time sitting idle there and the world in front of you suddenly becomes gloomy and blurred.

I have just the perfect way to make this world BRIGHTER!!

All you have to do is take your glasses off WIPE them and put them back!!

CAT-A-RACT


Disclaimer: The following article tells the readers “HOW NOT TO TAKE UP CAT”. The author cannot be held responsible if the reader actually gets through CAT after trying all this.

About a few thousands will be preparing for GD/PI as I write this blog. I wanted to call this “Four Point Someone” (That’s how many times I have given CAT). Now I know ways of not taking CAT. Had I known how to take it up, I would have got through (That is but obvious!!).

The ritual of CAT starts somewhere in September with the daily papers featuring ads (Small, Medium and Large sized) of CAT learning centres. It would cost you about a fresher’s salary in an IT company to enroll in these so-called learning centres (LC). Admission to these LCs is strictly based on a CAT style test. You can score anywhere between a 0 and a 100 to gain admission!!!

Once you enroll, you are given a choice of centre. You are obviously supposed to pick the one near your house. But to hell with it, you should always pick one that is nearest to a THEATRE! Especially if you are working and take the weekend classes it helps real lot. If asked by others you can always tell them that the best guys teach in that centre and that is why you chose it.

Once it’s all set! You have almost a year. NAAH..not for CAT, But to court the best-looking girl in your class. If your class doesn’t have any (Which is generally the case) “HARD LUCK DUDE” the arms of the theatre are always open for you!

With no good-looking girls there isn’t any point attending classes. All that you have to do is some guest appearance to collect the study materials. First thing that you have to do after collecting it is tear open the seals to avoid questions on NOT touching the material. Time and again keep complaining about the quality of teaching, upcoming exams (if you are a student) or late working hours; thus explaining your absence at the classes and no motivation to study.

Before a month or two of CAT you are sure of few things.
1. All the movies that released in the last year with full details on which were a HIT and which ones FLOPPED.
2. You CANNOT get through CAT in the next 20 years with 100% RESERVATION for your CASTE.

Be the first to buy the application showing your enthusiasm. You can always, as a last resort for escaping from CAT, leave few mandatory fields blank in your CAT application so that it gets REJECTED! If you really cant bring yourselves to do that (because you have paid some 1000 odd bucks for it) then go ahead and bring your FAMILY SHAME!

On the day of the exam make sure you keep a very serious and worried face and avoid talking to anybody before the exam. You can always say, after the exam, that you were trying to relax and build concentration. Once you are done with the exam avoid meeting anybody and escape by the first train or bus to some other state for a few days. If during this process you meet somebody and they ask you how you did just tell “MY DESK WAS SHAKING. OK!!!!”

IMMOBILITY!!!!


Atlast the hide and seek ended about a week back. Wondering what it was about! I was hiding my mobile from my MAID!! Guess for what?? Obviously she had the same model as mine. Sony Ericsson T230!!!

T230-------------W810I

Phew!!! How I had to run from one room to the other just so that she doesnt get a glimpse of it. Forcing myself to go out of the house to pick up calls.

All that crap ended last week. I got myself a Sony Ericsson W810I. Bought it in some easy Installment Scheme.

PLEASE DONT TELL MY MAID!!!!!!!